W. S. Gilbert Quotes | Quotes by W. S. Gilbert

1I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous; In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

2Society has quite forsaken all her wicked courses, Which empties our police courts, and abolishes divorces.

3If you're anxious to shine in the high aesthetic line as a man of culture rare, you must get up all the germs of the transcendental terms, and plant them everywhere.

4Isn't your life extremely flat,With nothing to grumble at?

5If the jests that you crack have an orthodox smack, You may get a bland smile from these sages; But should it, by chance, be imported from France, Half-a-crown is stopped out of your wages!

6No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast.

7Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon, If you listen to popular rumour; From morning to night he's so joyous and bright, And he bubbles with wit and good humour!

8Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest: Love, hopeless love, my ardent soul encumbers: Love, nightmare-like, lies heavy on my chest, And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers!

9Deerstalking would be a very fine sport if only the deer had guns.

10I often think it's comical How Nature always does contrive That every boy and every gal That's born into the world alive Is either a little Liberal Or else a little Conservative!

W. S. Gilbert Quotes

11Though I'm anything but clever, I could talk like that forever.

12Utopia's quite another land; In her enterprising movements, She is England--with improvements

13The Law is the true embodiment of everything that's excellent; it has no kind of fault or flaw and I, my Lords, embody the Law.

14I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical.

15He did nothing in particular, and did it very well.

16I shall carry to the Catacombs of Age, Photographically lined On the tablet of my mind

17My object all sublime I shall achieve in time- To let the punishment fit the crime- The punishment fit the crime.

18After many unhappy experiments in the direction of an ideal Republic, it was found that what may be described as a Despotism tempered by Dynamite provides, on the whole, the most satisfactory description of ruler - an autocrat who dares not abuse his autocratic power.

19Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold, And the mate of the Nancybrig, And a bos'sun tight, and a midshipmite, And the crew of the captain's gig!

20I am the Captain of the Pinafore ; And a right good captain too! . . . . And I'm never, never sick at sea! What, never? No, never! What never? Hardly ever! He's hardly ever sick at sea! Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, For the hardy Captain of the Pinafore!

W. S. Gilbert Quotes

21Who knows but we may count among our intellectual chickens Like them an Earl of Thackeray and p'raps a Duke of Dickens

22Saturday afternoon, although occurring at regular and well-foreseen intervals, always takes this railway by surprise.

23Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly kind-- They don't blame you--as long as you're funny!

24I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.

25He led his regiment from behind. He found it less exciting.

26Oh, don't the days seem lank and long When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, And isn't your life extremely flat With nothing whatever to grumble at!

27There's fish in the sea, no doubt of it, As good as ever came out of it.

28I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule.

29Oh, wouldn't the world seem dull and flat with nothing whatever to grumble at?

30Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative.

W. S. Gilbert Quotes

31Then a sentimental passion of a vegetable fashion must excite your languid spleen, An attachment a la Plato for a bashful young potato, or a not-too-French French bean!

32When every blessed thing you have is made of silver, or of gold, you long for simple pewter.

33I am the very model of a modern major general

34Posterity shall know of me even less than I shall know of posterity.

35When a felon s not engaged in his employment, Or maturing his felonious little plans, His capacity for innocent enjoyment Is just as great as any honest mans.

36It is a glorious thing To be a Pirate King.

37The happiest hour a sailor sees Is when he's down At an inland town, With his Nancy on his knees, yo ho! And his arm around her waist!

38All bayonets are bad.

39Life's perhaps the only riddle That we shrink from giving up.

40Faint heart never won fair lady! Nothing venture, nothing win Blood is thick, but water's thin In for a penny, in for a pound It's Love that makes the world go 'round!

W. S. Gilbert Quotes

41Things are seldom what they seem.

42In the discovery of secret things and in the investigation of hidden causes, stronger reasons are obtained from sure experiments and demonstrated arguments than from probable conjectures and the opinions of philosophical speculators of the common sort.

43If I can wheedle A knife or a needle, Why not a Silver Churn?

44For duty, duty must be done; The rule applies to everyone.

45Posterity will know as little of me as I know of posterity.

46A policeman's lot is not a happy one

47Life's a pudding full of plums.

48Life is a joke that's just begun.

49As is gloriously sung in the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta "H.M.S. Pinafore," in the words of W. S. Gilbert: "Things are seldom as they seem, Skim milk masquerades as cream."

50I am a courtier grave and serious Who is about to kiss your hand: Try to combine a pose imperious With a demeanour nobly bland.

W. S. Gilbert Quotes

51In short, whoever you may be, To this conclusion you'll agree, When every one is somebodee, Then no one's anybody!

52Roll on, thou ball, roll on! Through pathless realms of Space, Roll on!

53I always voted at my party's call, and I never thought of thinking for myself at all.

54Wherever valor true is found, true modesty will there abound.

55I love my fellow creatures - I do all the good I can - yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!

56Strike the concertina's melancholy string! Blow the spirit-stirring harp like any thing! Let the piano's martial blast Rouse the Echoes of the Past

57My family pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering.

58Bind up their wounds - but look the other way.

59The idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this, and every country but his own.

60If your master is surly, from getting up early (And tempers are short in the morning), An inopportune joke is enough to provoke Him to give you, at once, a month's warning.